Thursday, November 13, 2008

Nascar should use wagons but not let the guy from Texas Chainsaw race.

I almost killed myself yesterday. Not on purpose. Just almost. With another person's car. I'm driving down Rivonia Road and turn left into 2nd instead of 12th. Turns out they don't lead to the same street. So while I'm driving down 2nd street/avenue I realise, "wait a minute, this isn't my car!" and then I realised that I only hoped it wasn't my car.

You see, I drive this:

http://www.giftsunusual.com/images/33676%20Model%20Covered%20Wagon.jpg

So when this pulled out in front of me:

http://www.up.ac.za/organizations/movup/images/minefun/indian_haul_truck.jpg

I screamed like a girl and slammed on brakes which work like this:

http://cache.eb.com/eb/image?id=63577&rendTypeId=4

So I careened (it's a word) through the stop street, and did this around the monster truck:

http://www.weblogsinc.com/common/images/8785793035745568.JPG?0.3833096358198027

to safety. Even though my wagon brakes locked and I skidded through the stop street, I was cool. It was a fourway stop. So other people had to wait while I did this. Goodness. Then I went home and read about grammar.

I know right! Who wants to be me now? So cul. 'Cept I shaved a few years off my life and some of the driver's of the monster truck.

PS If you're my mom, I'm fine. This is all made up so I can be funny.

PSS It wasn't really a monster truck, it was more like this, http://www.geocities.com/speed_freak_uk/side1.jpg but when I recount the tale of the day I almost got murdered in cold blood by this psycho killer from Texas Chainsaw Massacre who used a chainsaw car to kill me, to my grandkids, it's not going to be this car.


PSSS While I was searching for the pictures of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Car Killing Psycho Jack from Freddy eats Predator with Aliens 45 on the side, I found this weird thing:

http://www.ubergizmo.com/photos/2008/4/uno-segway.jpg

I know right. Where do you get them?

12 validate me-s:

po said...

Did you really balance on two wheels? Scary stuff. Next time go for one wheel it is more fun.

love mom.

JL said...

Mom: I did. Although one wheel is more fun, you must bear in mind that my two wheels were wooden.

po said...

Hmm, good point. All that extra friction is a bit of a drag I say. Maybe you need a new speedwagon.

But you are making it all up which is good so I don't have to buy you one.

Mom.

JL said...

Mom: Even though I'm making it up, a new speedwagon would be nice. Just a thought. Perhaps even that last thing. That half bike thing. Although I'm almost 100% certain that would definitely kill me.

Áine Caitríona said...

See, this is why I walk. Also, I can't afford our gas. Le sigh.

JL said...

Áine Caitríona: Yeah, then there's the gas. Good thing my wagon runs on donkey. Although, I ran out of those too.

Matt said...

Ok so im with you on the near death experience (which if you died would totally suck ass because whose writing would I criticize? But on the upside your wagon would have become your coffin - convenient!) but since you drive the wagon with the cul breaks - what happened to your horse? (And dont say you sent him to the glue factory like poor Boxer in Animal Farm)

JL said...

Matt: I would never use horses. I use donkey power. But the left to go to... um donkey heaven. And don't criticize my writing - criticize the guy on the orange half-bike.

The Alterpenguin Superdork said...

Ooh, Ooh, I want one, do they make matching boots, with heels, and earrings, and maybe matching blister packs for my affected adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder medication, see, its affected because if it were real I wouldn't have the attention span to type out the entire term... or something, wait, what?

Matt said...

OK have it your way JL: In the name of donkey rights everywhere and in a non-critiscizing manner of this writers writing (this is such a load of crap im writing but anyway...) I critiscize the guy on the orange half bike - he looks like he is sitting very uncomfortable on the new batmobile model which only has one wheel because Bruce Wayne is facing bankruptcy in the current financial crisis that has hit the world.

The End. (Satisfied?)

JL said...

The Alterpenguin Superdork: I don't think it comes in matching heels, but it would totally suit if you were an hardcore inmate, so that's exactly it, you just need to kill someone and then you'd totally match. In fact you should kill a few people so they give you the orange jumpersuit and not the blue one like you work in train yard or something. And yeah, I'm beginning to think I do have ADD. Mostly coz I can't spell it out and because I spell coz like coz.

JL said...

Matt: Yeah, they totally repoed only half the bike because he had paid off the other half. Now he thinks he's cool. Because he's batman on a half-bike.