I WANT TO BE A BLOGHER!
Mostly because they have cocktail hours and stuff paid for them. Also BlogHers get stuff sent to them. You know, like Lego and fame. I want that. I need the Lego.
And most famous BlogHers are the mom types with kids. They're like the ANC Youth League for Blogging (if you're American, BlogHers are like liberals, winning presidents in raffles).
I want the mommy audience to make me feel like I belong. It's so unfair. As soon as you have a kid you get propelled to blogger fame feeling things like understanding and compassion and ad revenue. What's with that?
I can belong. I'll start the Bad-writers-from-South-Africa-with-nothing-much-to-say-who-have-dogs-that-poo-a-lot-on-the-carpet Network. Now there's relateable.
Screw you mothers! ('Cept mine. I like mine. She's cool. And might be reading this, which makes her even cooler).
PS I'm so glad Dooce made what's-her-face with the nose and hairspray feel uncomfortable.
PSS I just linked to Dooce so she can know I exist. Although probably not. Also I keep getting stuck in traffic jams on the way to her site, because I'm South African I bet.
PSSS I don't mean it when I say "Screw you mothers!". I'm really quite nice and need your validation.
PSSSS I don't really want Junior to be true because of this:
Thomas Beattie. Goodness.
Posts
9 validate me-s:
Get a Blythe doll. That's what I did. It's almost exactly the same as having a kid. Or a dog.
Jenny, The Bloggess: I thought about that, but I want my child to look more like Kirsten Dunst from Interview With the Vampire than Christina Ricci from Sleepy Hollow. Perhaps I'll just get me one of them Dekotas. I hear the came with loads o' cash.
I like to think that every time I link to Dooce, she notices and says to herself: I should really call that Ben again soon. We need to catch up.
Then I cry a single tear and go back to blogging alone.
Ben: That's probably closer to what they do think than what I think they think. When I link to other bloggers, I imagine that in their heads, they're going "We should really get JL to speak at the next bloggers' convention and give him sweets and puppies for the effort of flying first class Emirates paid for by us". That's what I think they think. And then I think more that the free plane tickets and puppies got lost in the mail. Damn post office.
I keep getting offers from the BlogHer ads network, but I decline them every time. Why? I guess I wanna keep it indie... either that or I'm afraid that once they actually read some of my content they'll back out and break my heart/bank account.
Áine Caitríona: Yes, there's the selling out. I refuse to as well. Mostly because no one's made any offers. 'Cept that one foundation for abused kittens and orphans that catches butterflies in nets made of candy. I couldn't take money from them.
i know, right? those damn mothers. can't say that i totally understand the movement. don't women who want nothing to do with life growing inside them need kittens and validation, too?
No, totally not goodness, scarywhatthehellisthatness, and yes, I have grammar books too, or at least a grandma, but I cant read so I don't know what to do with them, its so a word, illiteracy is like, totally hot right now.
Daria: Yes! And it's not just women - I totally have middle-child syndrome and need to seek attention in obvious and overt ways that make other people uncomfortable. So yeah, non-mothers and middle children need kittens, candy and butterfly nets too!
The Alterpenguin Superdork: Yeah it isn't goodness - I meant that in a OMG goodness way, mostly because it totally looks like a man which is what she wanted I think - the girl with the willy. Anyway, she probably knows grammar which is so lame right now as you say. It's like - don't speak properly, because only losers know how to spell onomatopoeia which is wrong I'm sure.
Post a Comment